障碍

我到底在紧张担心什么
她成长了我却还在原地踏步
究竟是我的不放心还是我的不信任
安抚着自己这会是过渡期 再过多几个月就好了
可以恢复正常了

我想
我不该再告诉你我到底还害怕什么
心底里想着这会让她心里感到没安全感
觉得我是窝囊废 懦弱的表现

吵架总是心如刀割
泪水的重量不敌地心引力
终究还是犯了自己大忌

我一定要变得更强。

承诺的背后

回顾几天前的生日的那一晚

我收到的不是高级商店里的名牌手表钱包衣服

而是一个多变盒贴着生活点滴的相片与手写留言讯息

也是第一次耐心的把这礼物给完成并交到我手里

也是久违的一次让我觉得有她一起过生日是幸福的

默默地答应自己一定会好好地认真的谈一场恋爱

还以为自己知道了明白了很多的爱情哲学道理

该做什么不该做什么 

也很明确了解-知道与做到-之间的界线

往往预知不了的挑战涌向前打击自信

事实上还在徘徊于理智与自私之间

1月4号

有时候，不，时常都在想着，没有吵架的爱情到底能撑多久。足够的沟通是否会是避开吵架的路径而达到长久的保鲜期，又或是吵架会是必经之路而沟通再好会是对爱情打了多一支的短期的防腐剂？

每天晚上都会打一通电话给她，无非也是想向她心里注射强心剂不准她多心，分心，多想而忽略了学业，朋友，家人。我没有伟大，而只是很想尽我能力在我有少少的时间陪陪她，告诉她，让她倾诉，让她述说整天已完成的东西。

突然间想起她告诉我一位39岁的医师，在帮她推拿时告诉了他与他女友的事情，我尽然没有多想就把气话说了出来并毫无耐心分析。我明白，我真的明白这些事情如何运作，好比如这男生打着什么算盘，可是就是接收不到禽兽般的猎食心态，这也难怪男女都启动了保护墙好好保护自己，只不过大部分抵挡不了热情般的追求而保护墙慢慢地腐蚀被侵占。然而，我也只好把女友的焦点微调好让他看清楚整件事情该被集中的地方，好让她从别的角度观看这事情。也许她正是我的女友，我的至亲，我最想保护的那个女生，使我失去该有分析与判断，不关原来的我或是改变后的我。

我庆幸的是我的她都会把心里想着的事情都让我这零爱情智商的知道，让吵架的机会降到最低，同一时间让我察觉到，我们在某些事情的思路与分析像是天地，非常不一样。解铃还须系铃人，而我呢就是解铃，解开她心里的结，那一个笑的见牙不见眼加脸上红红于少少的羞涩，之前的不好受不是值回了吗？

晚安。

3rd weeks in Global Knowledge

Full of hopes, high expectations, and huh, ruined after two hours of the first working day. Too many issues, innumerable, stabs behind and comes to last - three seniors left. Appreciates who is around you. You don't know when will they leave.

CCNP Routing & Switching, here I come. Goodnight.

Industrial Training Program

Currently is an intern in Global Knowledge Training Centre. Slightly went sidetrack and expectation became disappointment at first. Thrilled when one of my senior transferred me a folder with 100GB full of lab guides and setup guides for configuring network *even certified trainer also not allow to have this folder*. I have learnt a lot, not from tasks assigned but from experiences of senior. I have so many goals need achieved before the end of my training program, champion of NetRider 2015 and Certified Cisco Network Professional Routing & Switching. Recently found out that I am a good listener but not a good lover, I advised, explained, helps them but somehow would rewinded my mind to what I have done previously, to all of them. Sigh, have taken these as personal experiences, and fortunately shaped me *positive one*, nurtured quite a different school of thought comparing to the other.

Now playing give you what you like. Deep down inside of me, feeling so lonely, no one can understand me, I am not going to tell what went on and no why. Because even I myself also can't figure it out, don't tell me you understand me, I would see that as lies. Basically, I am quite confident in achieve almost everything but not in a relationship. It clouds judgment, can't deal with it rationally, not gain what you've paid, it is going drive me nut even I am now merely thinking about these. And yea, perhaps you're right, traumatic experiences in the past.

It is 3.02A.M. now, the road to CCNP Routing & Switching going to have the first step after I have awake after sleep later. Goodnight, anyone who viewed this, fight hard for what you want, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.

Frisbee, Intellectual Discourse

Saturday, I joined Frostbite training session, was having drill and pick up with structures. Initially planned not to join their drills due to not slow down their progress of training and preparation for Ultimate competition at Penang. At last, I joined them because of PY was asking me to join and I really dreads the performance of mine would undermine their chemistry built. Though performance in drills wasn't that bad, but comes to pick up I totally was not in the situation and made a lot of careless mistakes. I'm thrilled to watch members of Frostbite accepted my humble opinion which are record and jot down agenda discussed and minutes in debrief session instead of repeat it again and again in every debrief session

Headed to Dim Sum restaurant to have my dinner with Kent and his girlfriend, Angie. Kent initially was frustrating and beseeching for my suggestions because sign of discords in between him and Angie, in joking way of course. By all means, surely have had intellectual discourse with 2 of them as well innumerable amount of insights from Angie towards distinct topic had discussed. It is too bad was feeling a little light-headed during discourse, it was 12AM midnight!

Footsteps

Totally have forgotten the existence of this personal blog, until today I found a blog which belongs a friend of mine , the only female student during web seminar class. How rare? should categorized as mythical? Amassed huge amount of inner feelings that could hardly to state every single one of them here, fewer of it are remains incomprehensible, beyond exegesis and pending for answer, either soon or later. Rewind to past few months go, I did take an action which just boldly approaches the one who lingering in my mind all the time during exam period. Guess what, everything went smooth, naturally with laughters, and was raining cats and dogs, an imaginary scene that comes real. After I could more likely to command and divert my attention onto unfinished tasks. Whenever say goodbye, we wave gaily before left. Other than that, my friend and I also will spend hours to train Frisbee throws, though inter-uni match has cancelled  which held at UTP, Perak, quite disappointing with this sudden news informed in whatsapp group chat. My passion toward Frisbee sport will never end in spite of any unfortunate matter, let discs fly! Bygone be bygone, another achievement unlocked days ago which I scored full coursework marks in my Networking subject, was trying to conceal my excitement at that moment and unleashed it to dearest buddies. Another step closer to Networking career and personal achievement which want to reach to the peak in Networking career.

A few thing I learned, once have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, it must be truth. Also, never theorize before you have all the evidence. It would biases the judgement.

Degree 2nd semester break

Well, 8 days passed since the very last test on 22nd of April. I have planned to revise my Java textbook, enrich myself during the holiday, and ya I really mean it. My friends and I would go for Frisbee as pastime due to one of them having semester break as well. And soon, I will have to join study trip to Terengganu, Kemaman which have to experience the environment and competition of Cisco Networking. I am looking forward for the trip and nwxt competition will be my only chance to free myself from Programming life.

#sguhdeeni

16th, First day the end of New Year

Time flies, I get prepare my test at 3th of Feb and now, New year ended. How I doing recently? Doing good here, and yet still have a lot of tests waiting me and assignments as well. I have passed my table tennis skill test, I have very enjoy the moment when playing basketball with my classmates. One more, I am glad that I have stand my decision without that much hesitation to change new course. With the new environment of study, it motivates and get to know a bunch of new friends. Besides that, there are a number of state player in my class too including me (the main point). Haha, come back to our presentation. I have bought a new formal outfit from G2000 and I wore it on presentation which I am the chairperson who was chairing a meeting on that day. Guess what, I have receive a lot of compliments, hehe. By the way, it was a great formal meeting presentation and thanks for the cooperation from team mates.

Christmas Eve

Yay Christmas Eve, Yay stay at home tonight
Quite a long time didn't update my bloggie due to my laziness

Guess what, University going reopen soon at 30th and my result for second semester will be release on 27th. So, I have done nothing during this semester break, fully de-motivated after finished my final test. I have planned to watch movie, eat dinner and deliberately go to Pavillion in order to experience myself the ambience of Christmas. In short, I will solo whole day on tomorrow, no dates, no partner. Anyway, tomorrow will be my very first time involve myself in this sort of gala and awaiting the snow which will start at 8pm in the Pavillion. By the way, Chinese New Year is approaching as well and I got no any feeling on that. Every year, my mom purposely remind me that I am not youngster any more and a teen should be responsible to anything I do, not ego and emotional. Have lived for 20 years but not even one time I buy a gift to myself on birthday, planning to get one for myself on coming birthday, thanks myself, motivate myself and glad myself. In this end of December, hopefully there is a surprise from my result.
Sorry for my poor English and I improve myself. The End.  

Result - Last Semester for diploma

Guess what, I got my result and TAR UC system flooded by students, cursor roll and roll and roll and finally I got 1A 2A- 1B with gpa 3.5627. I am not happy, unsatisfied with my result, actually I can achieve higher. Unless you got 3.75 and above, otherwise you still have to Graduate in Merit. Extremely disappointed to myself, I am not showing off or what, seriously down.

Working life in Genting and Degree Life

Had been working for around one month in Genting Reward Gallery Too (GRG). At first I thought Guest Service Assistant (GSA) the position is higher than supervisor, after that only knew that supervisor = GSA. Actually not much to tell here, just have some friendly guys and they are Shirley, Winnie Wong, Joey Beh, Daniel, Hui Fung, Josephyne Liew, Kar Yan, Jia Sin, Phei Shin, Kok Leong, and especially Leon Yap. I found out that Leon Yap totally have no anger and have great sense of humour. Of course, there is still have some unhappy stuffs occurred during work time, dislike ordered by someone with using heavy tone. One more, wondering why most of them broke out so sudden in October and there have something totally out of my expectation too. Joey Beh and Josephyne, both of you deserve better, be tough and keep move on. The very first day after work for 8 hours, I was craving for leave Genting badly. Before leave Genting on 20th, my mood mixed up and of course not willing to leave Genting. Leaved Genting after took my lunch with colleagues at RSC 1.

Degree life started on 21st of October. Bachelor of Internet Technology in Information Security, a new course, new course mates from different background, new assignments groups and new experience. First week past and 6 weeks time to go for prepare our assignments, mid-term test and final test. SO...stay tune for latest news for my next post. hehe

Genting Highland

Parents and my elder sister went back to home town to visit grandparents and they only free fore few days after mid-autumn festival. Since I have to interview for new job at Genting Highland, so I am not following them. Quite a long time never pay a visit to GH and outdoor theme park has closed for maintenance as well. Well, the time was 9am something when we reached to interviewer's hall and quite a lot of interviewees were ready for the interview session. Finally, we hired and informed 25th September will be the first day of working in there. Visited Starbucks which located nearby Hotel Maxim and got a free grande size drinks which is a redemption for first time of Starbucks's card registration.

So, have to prepare my certificates, 5 copies of NRIC and many things. Most important thing I have to do first is to buy a sweater otherwise I have no idea how to sleep on night. Exhausted, goodnight

Experience

Hmmm, how should I start the post? Just informed that have a job on yesterday and the time is 4pm until 1am which locate at Kenanga Wholesale City (KWC). Actually this is a brand new experience for me that first time to be a checker which holding UV light to check authenticity of tickets and tear out tear-able parts. What is in my mind first once reached to location? They shown me how poor their event management skills are and event banner never appear outside of the mall. Checker were just busy chatting around and even missed out tickets from few of party poopers, I was like dafuq? Tagger that responsible to tie up wristband on participant's hand simply walk around in the hall and having ludicrous performance in front of them. They smoke, chat, drink alcoholic drinks, flirt around party poopers with sexy outfit, and take charge position of female security to have body check on female. You told me you were from UCSI received tertiary education but don't know how to respect others, just simply take off hat of participants and touch people hair without asking any question? Shame on you, and feel ashamed for my senior supervisor.

Participants were increasing from time-to-time,  majority of the participants were Malay. I was wondering there why were they still bringing their sunglasses although there are no lamps are on, is it will look more cool with swinging their head? Seriously, DJ sucks, staffs sucks, songs sucks. If there has a rating, 2 stars out of 10 will given by me for the rating. The most surprised me there were still have outsiders go to counter to buy tickets though concert still half an hour left to end 。

Primary school friend, Casie Ng is going to leave Malaysia to Aussie. Haha, time flies and 8 years past after standard 6. So, hope wishes will come true and try to achieve the best in future. Good luck xxxxxx.
(x is for kisses and  o for hugs, Facebook friend from UK taught me these :P )

Family and Study

Finally, Diploma life came to an end but still have to wait for my final exam's result then only officially graduate from my diploma course. On 20th of August, I were having one last test on noon session and finished my paper at 4pm sharp. After that, 2 of our programme supervisors came and to have briefing for degree courses and announced the brand new course, Bachelor(Hons) Information Security, have too many students registered for the course, and now they have to filter and make it balance among these courses which are Internet Technology and Information System. For those students that chose Information Security through college's intranet, students with CGPA > 3.0 could stay in the new courses and for those lower than 3 pointer can either choose to continue the current course or one last option, Information System. Fortunately, I'm the one too with cgpa above 3.0 can stay in new courses for coming semester, but just only few of us include 2 of my classmates able proceed to new course offered. You know, that feeling was quite complicated and contradicts with the feeling of happy because have finished the test.

Today, on this after about 4.45pm, my sister was just depart from LCCT airport to Taiwan for complete her dream to be a nutritionist. Hmmm, I think she is going to reach Taiwan soon since that flight take 3-4 hours. Actually LCCT have nothing much special to introduce here, we snapped few photos before my sister departs and I spotted that I myself quite good looking in that family portrait, will upload it soon as my banner's cover *HAHAHAHA. Dear sister, good luck and do your best in your study, keep contact.

What I have planned to complete in holidays? Hehe, I started to build mass on this morning and have to gain more fit. Second, finish my 40 pages of translation work and last, prepare myself in advance before proceed to degree course, Information Security.

*End, Good Night*    

Random Post 1

            Still remember that kicks is came so sudden and planned to watch THE CONJURING alone. Once finished my dinner outside, I'm just back home immediately to take a shower get to the Kepong Cinema. I reached there and fortunately, there have just left one seat which is consider upper middle. Hehe, how lucky I were huh on that day. I found my seat, sat on there and just looking around. I were found out that everyone came with pair or number of friends, only I myself just went there alone (perhaps, just guessing around). FEw more minutes later, girls came and few of them sat beside me. HAHAHA, I'm not alone. Overall comment for that movie is consider good, quite scary due to the BASS was too loud.

Okayy, Networking test is around the corner. Have to continue my revision :P  

KLCC Book Fair

okay, is time to update my blogggg :P
hmmm, its first time for me drive to KLCC
not took too long to reach but took time to reach home, haha
quite early and fortunate as well, reached Suria KLCC at 10.08am
why I will know the exact time? (Parking ticket) hehe
Bought an entrance ticket that costed me RM 2.50 and entered English Hall section
quite disappointed because I found no Nick Vujicic's "Unstoppable"
Participated a sharing session from an author, that share his experiences during travel time and etc
Bought his book, "Invite Freedom Home" and got his autograph
Omg, He is sooooooooo nice and impressed by his speeches,
and the main-point is,  THIS IS MY VERY FIRST TIME TO GET SOMEONE'S AUTOGRAPH~~!
While I were simply walking around, I saw a lots of ladiesssss
Believe those that know me well they know what will going to happens next. HAHAHAHAHA.

*Have to improve my grammar and study a lottttttt.
Going to have my dinner with family soon, Ciao~

Allianz 1st MidYear Preview

Planned to submit my deferment on today and asked to attend the meeting
which the time started from 1pm to 5pm
During the meeting, some of them motivated me again in order to get closer to my aim
Obviously not in the career but my study.
I had chosen Bachelor Internet Technology (Honours) Information Security the course
So, I am officially upgrade to a Bachelor Degree student after this last semester in Diploma

By the way, I am still have not give up to my aim, which is to be a SAP consultant though I chose Information Security.
Mr. Su, I am waiting you~~~

Days

few days ago, I'd went to public bank where located at Kepong
Purposely go there for deposit money, register and activate E-banking portal
deposited RM 600, and activated E-banking portal after that.
Incident happened when I reverse my car from parking lot
Rush to home, step on the pedal and speed up the speed of reverse.
"Bang!" sound was heard, Uh-Oh appears in my very first thought.
RM 400 flew in the same day, same place.
Bought a lesson, have to check both side mirrors to double confirmed whether have something blocked or stopped behind the car.

I have had drank an Americano at Ochado Setapak few days ago
Finally I know how to differentiate  between Americano and Long Black
=========================================================
adding water to espresso (espresso on the bottom) -------> Americano
adding espresso to water (espresso on the top) -----------> Long Black
=========================================================
Just according what I tasted after had drank these 2 coffee
Americano is more bitter than Long Black.
Americano is giving a similar strength but different flavour with regular drip coffee
Reminder: never add sugar to these 2 type coffee, otherwise you'll regret because of weird taste.

Have a nice day, night :))

Belated Present

Belated prezzie from Minzy.

nothing special, drive to campus as usual and have jogged 4km

after that, received a parcel after reached home for awhile

quite surprise, thanks Minzy Tan! 

There still have few packs of nutmeg inside the parcel. Favourite snacks :P

Hehe, seriously not me "JUAL MAHAL" as you say

I know that you were joking

But, for me, the main character of someone birthday is not them, is their parent

Wondering why some of them they rather spend whole day with their friends

party, clubs instead of truly appreciate the moment with their parents on that day.

Crocodile watch, awwwhh love it very much :P

Before ome to the end, thanks again

Wish that your parent would pass through that operation smoothly.